~Life People Things You Think You Know That You Never Really Knew At All~
It's all just shadows after all, and not the beauty of gray.
It is strange that you think you can know someone, trust someone, believe in someone only to find that you have been fooled, it's so hard of a knock when the one (s) you think and know you can trust the most are the ones who bite you the hardest.
You can be there when they need you, they may not need you for BIG things all the time BUT when they do you better DROP whatever the hell your doing and be there for them!
YET
Turn those tables, let YOU be the one that needs them and they ain't got a minute of their time for you!
And when they get really on their *real* self, well they don't even know you, you become disposable.
Life is funny that way, but the truth it, well it just is NOT funny at all.
Actually it's very sad, sad to know that your worth has been *washed up* and they can just say well your a liar and that's the end of it!
NO don't anyone go there at all, this does not have a damn thing (not much anyway) to do with OLD-SMOKY or her partner in crime!
Rather with people you think are your friends, and they are, as long as you have worth.
Again, it may NOT be monetary worth but other shit, like your time, your attention, your skills, just you when they need someone to talk to, someone to be there for them, answer questions to which they themselves do not have answers for, yeah that's when they *need* you, other wise your that *dirty disposable dishrag*
One of the best There Rapists I had and that means in my terms Therapist, well he told me that if only I would expect from others ONE FOURTH of what I was and DO give of myself I would NOT get hurt.
He explained that I may be a crass bitch BUT I was real, and that when I was (am) someone's friend I expect from them what I am willing to give them, and that would be...
All Of Me
Well I could never learn that lesson, call me a slow learner, maybe that's what I am but if the world has to be so cruel and the people in it that you think you know even crueler, well I am sorry but *I ain't on it*
I have had it up to the tip of my nose as I stand on tiptoes with fake, phony friends, yeah those who see me only of worth when they need me, and again I mean my skills, my time.
This is all OK as I promised myself a long while back I would NEVER let this happen to me again, what the hell did I do but go back for more!!!
Need a little more *Biting eh' Reba* well step right up I will damn sure take care of that for you!
And while I am at it you sucker for a friend I will kick you in the teeth when you are down, here, have another kick just because I can do it to you I am going to.
I know ah to well about your kind, and again it's nobody's fault but mine.
I have kept YOUR secrets YOURS
Not stabbed you in the back
Never lay with YOUR mortal enemies
Not hurt you with intent.
Rather I was there for you when ever you wanted me, or needed me so why the hell would you screw me over again?
Just one more time like I said when I am DOWN?
Today is my daughters birthday.
You know all the hell I am going through, the recent coming to head of the abuse she had held so much of in secrecy from me because she did NOT want to hurt or upset me.
You have perfect timing, perfect timing to kick me when YOU know I am REALLY down.
Funny but when I think about it this has been your pattern all along.
You have been good to me in many ways BUT you always only wanted me when YOU needed me.
I know what that terminology means, it means two things actually.
You are a user and an abuser and I was a sucker once again for believing in you!
So there I have said it.
You don't OR wont care when I am in troubled waters, hell your too good to hear about my daughter being molested right?
That's to tough of a one for your uppity ass!
That's fine and well as this is the last time you will screw me over, this I promise you.
The VERY last, and I hope that when you think about how shitty you really have treated me, and oh I know how damn important those weekly TV shows are to you, I don't forget everything ya' know, well I hope you find great sustenance in knowing that you have hurt me and discarded me at my weakest hour and I will say to you these words.
Never forget what goes around comes around and you will live to see that day, and those darkest of hours and you will think of me and how once again you have hurt me.
I could chalk some of you mean spirited crap up to senility but I know that is not what is it, your mean spirited and mean period, you just *hide* behind a *lily* appearances so others do NOT know, but I know, as I have seen that dark heart of yours and trust anything that you have done for me was out of pity, not out of the goodness of your heart!
Do you want to know how I know this?
I will tell you, because you do NOT have a heart.
You have become an empty shell of the person that I thought I once knew and loved.
And in your darkest hours, and trust those may come a lot sooner than you think they will as there are things, many things I *see* on the metaphysical plane that I do not tell but I assure you I have seen and those dark hours, they are a coming and when they do, remember me, I know you will, you will NOT be able NOT to and when you do remember how you treated me, and hurt me, especially in my darkest hour, as I want you to remember how you kicked me in mine.
I thank you, it means so much to me to KNOW how much you cared.
~Sorry to disappoint you but I'm real~
~Mistress Reba~
7 comments:
Morning Reba, I see you and possibly GB have had another falling out. Sorry to hear that, because I know you are deserving of better.
I haven't said anything in BS but the oldest of my step-sons had a heart attack at the ripe old age of 40. We are concentrating on his welfare at the moment. I need to get through to him how much his personality contributes to his problem. I'm afraid he isn't going to listen and that doesn't bode well for his recovery. He had to go to the ER last night again. He's much too negative a person, cynical, untrusting and just stressed beyond belief. So am I at the moment. Damn! I want a cigarette.
I won't because I will not contribute to my own demise at this point. I will try to check in on you daily.
Sherry
Sherry,
I am so sad for you that this has happened, as yes that is VERY young! I don't know how much is the negative persona though, as many of us have it. As if ever were and aggressive cynic born it was I and thus far I ain't croaked.
I think a lot of heart disease is in our genes, that and SMOKING so DON'T YOU DARE smoke one because you are feeling like shit over his health OK as EVERY DAY you have not your body recovers more from the damage of those things.
There is not much more I can say about him Sherry, I wish there were but you and I both know when I say I care I do and I am just blatant with words. Doubt that you will ne able to change him though, People are hard to change, I think sometimes we have a *pre-made* destiny and no matter what we doo it is not going to be altered much no matter what we may OR may not do?
Dunno, call me a fool, call me a cynic, but maybe I am right?
Hope you get through this and IF he smokes that would be the best thing YOU could do for him is to get HIM somehow to stop, and I say if as I have known people who have died from Lung Cancer who NEVER touched one, hence my pre-destiny theory? above *sighs*
Hang in there, that's all you can do and I appreciate your saying you will try and check up on me, who knows as I have said they may loese their phone service and the other will just *float away* and I may be back? To be honest though, I am NOT missing there at all this time, that say a LOT for me Sherry, volumes!
Peace Gal~
Reba
Reba, I left a comment last night...but may have not done it correctly - so I'll try again. Although not invited, I followed your Link from Sherry's. I hope you don't mind and don't want to intrude. I wondered where you went. I truly hope you don't feel as tho I used you, That was Not my intention, and I feel badly if you think that.
I just stated that I didn't feel that a battle between You and the 'Unsavory Element' of the Stream, was neither healthy or productive. Not that I didn't support You, because as your friend I do. I Hope that your Break is giving you room to Breathe. Looks like you have a nice place here, Take care & Thinking of you ~ Mouse/Mo
Ah Na Mousey,
Hell na' that is not what *it/this* was about at ALL sweetheart :)
I am going to put ALL of my favorite bloggers on the Stream here SOON! Your link will be here AMONG all of my *REAL* peeps.
Yesterday was my daughters birthday and we promised we would keep the grand all night, well she was being so sweet we just NOW sent her lil' but back home so I'm just making it back over here.
Was over here a lil' bit for a few this afternoon, while she was still asleep so fare not, there will be a link here of yours also :)
Actually this coming week I am going to make a GENERIC post here and at my *friends* blogs on the Stream showing HOW to create a link from the Stream to me as many people do not know how to do it correctly and it just links back to their own blog.
We are *good* girl, there are just some I am NOT good with and here I can MODERATE ALL comments and say fuck the rest, without having to feel as though I AM BEING CENSORED!
Thanks for stopping by, please keep coming back OK, then I will know i am *loved*
Reba~
I put your link to this blog in my sites I like section. And I got it right. I'm going to private your blogstream bookmark in case you decide to return, but people can get here from my place if they want.
Sherry
Sherry,
Thanks much for bookmarking me (linking me) for your blog, I do appreciate it :)
Hey, who knows if I will or will not return to blogstream it's all just the same old shit so I doubt it but who who knows, it was a good source of staying in touch with the few people like yourself that I enjoyed *hearing/responding* to, as well as people on the WEB who wanted to read me BUT!
Ah such a little word BUT, and AH lol, that was BEFORE the BASTARDS OUT OF NORTH CAROLINA appeared!
Have I ever told you HOW much I LOVE that film, ah, and I can say that over here *smile*
Bastards Out Of North Carolina!
Reba~
Gosh it's crazy to read back and see how angry I was at someone whom I would give the world to have back on this old earth again!
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