~Life People Things You Think You Know That You Never Really Knew At All~
It's all just shadows after all, and not the beauty of gray.
It is strange that you think you can know someone, trust someone, believe in someone only to find that you have been fooled, it's so hard of a knock when the one (s) you think and know you can trust the most are the ones who bite you the hardest.
You can be there when they need you, they may not need you for BIG things all the time BUT when they do you better DROP whatever the hell your doing and be there for them!
YET
Turn those tables, let YOU be the one that needs them and they ain't got a minute of their time for you!
And when they get really on their *real* self, well they don't even know you, you become disposable.
Life is funny that way, but the truth it, well it just is NOT funny at all.
Actually it's very sad, sad to know that your worth has been *washed up* and they can just say well your a liar and that's the end of it!
NO don't anyone go there at all, this does not have a damn thing (not much anyway) to do with OLD-SMOKY or her partner in crime!
Rather with people you think are your friends, and they are, as long as you have worth.
Again, it may NOT be monetary worth but other shit, like your time, your attention, your skills, just you when they need someone to talk to, someone to be there for them, answer questions to which they themselves do not have answers for, yeah that's when they *need* you, other wise your that *dirty disposable dishrag*
One of the best There Rapists I had and that means in my terms Therapist, well he told me that if only I would expect from others ONE FOURTH of what I was and DO give of myself I would NOT get hurt.
He explained that I may be a crass bitch BUT I was real, and that when I was (am) someone's friend I expect from them what I am willing to give them, and that would be...
All Of Me
Well I could never learn that lesson, call me a slow learner, maybe that's what I am but if the world has to be so cruel and the people in it that you think you know even crueler, well I am sorry but *I ain't on it*
I have had it up to the tip of my nose as I stand on tiptoes with fake, phony friends, yeah those who see me only of worth when they need me, and again I mean my skills, my time.
This is all OK as I promised myself a long while back I would NEVER let this happen to me again, what the hell did I do but go back for more!!!
Need a little more *Biting eh' Reba* well step right up I will damn sure take care of that for you!
And while I am at it you sucker for a friend I will kick you in the teeth when you are down, here, have another kick just because I can do it to you I am going to.
I know ah to well about your kind, and again it's nobody's fault but mine.
I have kept YOUR secrets YOURS
Not stabbed you in the back
Never lay with YOUR mortal enemies
Not hurt you with intent.
Rather I was there for you when ever you wanted me, or needed me so why the hell would you screw me over again?
Just one more time like I said when I am DOWN?
Today is my daughters birthday.
You know all the hell I am going through, the recent coming to head of the abuse she had held so much of in secrecy from me because she did NOT want to hurt or upset me.
You have perfect timing, perfect timing to kick me when YOU know I am REALLY down.
Funny but when I think about it this has been your pattern all along.
You have been good to me in many ways BUT you always only wanted me when YOU needed me.
I know what that terminology means, it means two things actually.
You are a user and an abuser and I was a sucker once again for believing in you!
So there I have said it.
You don't OR wont care when I am in troubled waters, hell your too good to hear about my daughter being molested right?
That's to tough of a one for your uppity ass!
That's fine and well as this is the last time you will screw me over, this I promise you.
The VERY last, and I hope that when you think about how shitty you really have treated me, and oh I know how damn important those weekly TV shows are to you, I don't forget everything ya' know, well I hope you find great sustenance in knowing that you have hurt me and discarded me at my weakest hour and I will say to you these words.
Never forget what goes around comes around and you will live to see that day, and those darkest of hours and you will think of me and how once again you have hurt me.
I could chalk some of you mean spirited crap up to senility but I know that is not what is it, your mean spirited and mean period, you just *hide* behind a *lily* appearances so others do NOT know, but I know, as I have seen that dark heart of yours and trust anything that you have done for me was out of pity, not out of the goodness of your heart!
Do you want to know how I know this?
I will tell you, because you do NOT have a heart.
You have become an empty shell of the person that I thought I once knew and loved.
And in your darkest hours, and trust those may come a lot sooner than you think they will as there are things, many things I *see* on the metaphysical plane that I do not tell but I assure you I have seen and those dark hours, they are a coming and when they do, remember me, I know you will, you will NOT be able NOT to and when you do remember how you treated me, and hurt me, especially in my darkest hour, as I want you to remember how you kicked me in mine.
I thank you, it means so much to me to KNOW how much you cared.
~Sorry to disappoint you but I'm real~
~Mistress Reba~
